I have previously mentioned the abundant stray animal problem in Cairo. It shouldn’t be surprising that I tried to feed every one of them that came near me during meal time.
On my last dinner in Cairo, this cute orange kitty was under the table.
I gave it part of my chicken. It then scratched me on my right arm – not a malevolent attack, but like a “Hey, can I have some more of that delicious chicken, please? Meow.”
Apparently, all flights to Europe leave Cairo at an ungodly hour. My flight to Munich was at 2:10 am. Packing my things, catching up on emails, and trying to relax (ultimate fail) took up my entire evening. Before I knew it, my driver was there to take me to the airport.
In another blog post, I will tell you all the things nobody else has told you about the Cairo airport. Even if you never go to Cairo, you need to know why I will not tolerate any bitching about US airports from now until eternity.
I got settled on the plane, took a Xanax, and began to wind down for the 3.5-hour flite.
I noticed my arm was itching. I scratched it. A few minutes later, it was itching again. I pulled my sleeve up and noticed a rash on my forearm, which I quickly covered because nobody wants to see that shit.
My regular travel buddy is Kathy, my friend since high school. Now she is a doctor. (I am so damn proud of her!) She wasn’t on this trip with me, but by the time I connected in Munich and landed in Rome, she would be in Paris with her sweetie, Joe.
OK, so no big deal, I will just call her on the train into the city since we would be in the same time zone then.
I got on the train and looked at my arm. The rash was taking over my arm.
I got my phone and called Kathy.
Ricki: Hey – – – What are you doing?
Kathy: I can’t talk right now. We are headed out the door and we are late for our tickets up to the top of the Eiffel Tower. (She sounded urgent and you could tell she was on the move.)
Ricki: That’s cool. But, just real quick – – I got scratched by this cat in Cairo . . .
Kathy: OK! GO TO THE PHARMACY AND GET SOME MONISTAT. RUB IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY!
Ricki: All over this body?
Kathy: ALL OVER YOUR BODY!
Ricki: OK. OK! I’LL CALL YOU LATER!
I believe with my exhaustion, I misinterpreted Kathy’s urgency to hurry and get out the door with my rash. If I was riding a rocket destined for a pharmacy, it could not have gotten me there fast enough. Suddenly this quick train ride turned real slow.
When I got to the station, my bag and I flew off there. Luckily my hotel was near the station and there were several pharmacies around.
For those unaware, Monistat is a cream for vaginal yeast infections. It’s a damn miracle, really. You stick it up there and the immense and quite maddening itching and burning immediately fade away.
I’m walking – I’m pondering – Now, I am not a small girl by any means. So I am thinking I am going to need like 20 tubes of this stuff to clear up my arm by rubbing it all over my body. It’s not cheap, so I decided to start off with 6.
I rapidly learned Italian pharmacies have EVERYTHING (with the exception of high euro facial creams and makeup) behind the counter.
When it was my turn, I stepped up.
Effing of course. This pharmacist was the hottest bastard I had ever laid eyes on. He was like a Roman god with a white lab coat on. I completely forgot my own native tongue, lost all my nerve and managed to spit out Ibuprophen.
He asked if there was anything else and I just nodded like I was so ashamed. “Monistat”. He put one on the counter and I uttered, “One more”. I am not shitting you – he looked at my face and then my thing and then silently gazed back at my face as if to say, “Girl. What have you got going on down there?’ I just smiled one of those close-mouthed smiles and nodded, paid and got the hell out.
I had to do this 2 more times. Luckily it was a woman that didn’t even look at me and a man that I could not have cared less if he thought I had a case of every STD on the planet.
I have my 3 bags and my carry on and I am going to check into my hotel. I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of the street. I seriously did not think I was going to have enough Monistat.
I dropped my carry on, hit redial and Kathy picked up.
Ricki: I KNOW YOU’RE SUPER BUSY BUT DO I NEED TO PUT THIS IN MY COOCHIE?
Kathy: No. Just rub it all over your body!
Ricki: OK! BYE!
I got to the hotel and got settled. I showered, dried off and rubbed Monistat all over my body. My anxiety increased my level of exhaustion and I settled into a long nap. When I woke up the rash was gone.
I continued this for 2 more days just in case. I never saw the rash again.
A few things you need to know.
- I got ringworm (a type of fungus) from the kitty that wanted chicken. Monistat is an antifungal medication and it worked like a charm.
- My skin had never been so soft. Like I-couldn’t-quit-touching-it soft.
- I use a dab of it on my face once a week and I swear to you I look younger.
I panicked when purchasing and wasn’t able to bring 5 of the tubes of Monistat back on the plane with me. Of course, the 3 airport security guys that searched my bag and found them were super hot. I smiled like I owned it. Because I did.